Footy fan's guide to the Bundesliga
Experiencing NRL and AFL withdrawals and need a Bundesliga club to get around this weekend? Our handy guide will give you all the info you need to pick your new favourite team.
Augsburg is like a barnacle that just won’t drop off the good ship Bundesliga. Since cracking the top flight eight years ago, the Fuggerstädter’s positions have been a barcode of mediocrity: 14, 15, 8, 5, 12, 13, 12, 15. In terms of style, Augsburg, like most German clubs, attempts to press high, generating fast turnovers. Like most mid-table teams, it won’t set the turnstiles alight, but it does have an upset or two in its locker.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Fremantle – The Dockers are that team you should beat, but get caught sleeping and you’ll be punished.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Gold Coast Titans – mid-table mediocrity seems to fit the Titans like a wetsuit on a brisk winter's morning down at Kirra Beach.
Strange fact: From real wildlife to bees, crocodiles and a jovial bear, mascots are a thing in the Bundesliga. Then there's the Augsburg puppet, Jim Knopf... Read more about Augsburg's puppetry history here.
A reputation for bottling the un-losable has earned Leverkusen the unflattering nickname ‘neverkusen’. The club's knack for getting into title-winning positions then throwing it away is a source of heartbreak for fans. This year’s version is once again hovering around the summit, playing a possession-heavy style which can often be more ‘tick-tock’ than ‘tik tok’. It’s no surprise though, Leverkusen's coached by former Dortmund manager Peter Bosz, who employs a diet version of the possession tactics he used with mixed success there.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Geelong – ok, the Cats finally got over their title yips during a phenomenal run in the mid-00s, but as perennial contenders who favour attractive footy, the Cats have a knack for falling short at or near the final hurdle.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Parramatta – Most seasons start with more hype around the Eels than a Floyd Mayweather fight, but it usually ends in despair for their long-suffering fans.
Unwanted history: That famous Zidane UCL final goal you've watched online a dozen times? Yep, Leverkusen was on the receiving end of that dose of heartbreak.
Bayern Munich
The pin-up team for German precision, Bayern has a reputation for winning comps and snaring the best young talents from rivals. A giant based in the country’s south, Bayern’s style is ruthless attack, dominant possession and a sprinkling of arrogance. Equal parts loved at home and loathed abroad, Bayern is revered in Germany and a desired destination for young stars.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Collingwood - The Pies are the best supported footy club in the land, of either code. But also one of the most-hated. They're the second-most successful club in the AFL in terms of titles. And a desired destination for rising stars from rival clubs.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Melbourne Storm – Like Bayern, the Storm are based in the South, ruthless and suffocating in their style, hugely successful, littered with stars and the team you inevitably have to get past to win the title.
Strange history: Bayern wasn't one of the teams chosen to join the Bundesliga when it launched in 1963. It took two seasons for the Bavarians to gain admittance.
Borussia Dortmund
With great fans, a cool stadium, bright yellow kit and an assortment of the world’s best young players, Dortmund is the craft beer to Bayern’s single malt whiskey. When the kids are in the mood, Dortmund peels off attacking football eye-candy like a Youtube highlights-reel binge session. But if there’s a disturbance in the force, like a dying smartphone battery on the eve of a night out, these young guys can lose their way.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Richmond – yellow and black, recently successful, plays an attractive style and boasts the best young player in the game in Dustin Martin.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Newcastle Knights – Great home ground? check. Passionate fans? Check. Industrial city? Check. Exciting style, fuelled by a squad of young talents? Check. Kalyn Ponga has definite Jadon Sancho vibes.
Strange history: Bayern Munich famously bailed out Dortmund from crippling debt with a €2m loan in 2004. The two clubs have become great modern rivals in the years since.
Borussia Moenchengladbach
Like a fresh batch of cement, these guys are young, tough and always in the mixer – meet the ‘foals’ of Moenchengladbach. This season sums Gladbach up nicely. They’re in the top three, ripping in, and in all likelihood, planning to replace those talents who will inevitably be picked off by a bigger rival in the offseason. See: Marcus Thuram.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Sydney Swans – The Swans aren’t the prettiest of outfits, but have earned a reputation for toughness and developing young stars. They always there or thereabouts in the title talk.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Penrith Panthers – The Panthers are used to watching their best talent head off to other clubs, none more so than legendary five-eighth Brad Fitler.
Eintracht Frankfurt
No team has suffered more for playing exciting, attacking football recently than the Eagles, whose swashbuckling run through the Europa League last season was ended by eventual champion Chelsea. Quicker than disappearing shots in a drinking game, Eintracht lost its three best attackers to European suitors, but that hasn’t stopped the Eagles again throwing caution to the wind this season.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: West Coast Eagles - Talented attack-minded squad, exciting footy, history of young stars leaving for other clubs, Eagle mascot.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Manly Sea Eagles - if for nothing else, they share a nickname and try to play entertaining footy.
Cool fact: Eintracht's mascot, a formidable live golden eagle called Attila, is said to be lonely amid the break in play.
Fortuna Dusseldorf
Fortuna Dusseldorf has something of a style overhaul this season, trying to play some attractive, fast-paced stuff, while doing the necessary basics to avoid a relegation dogfight. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked, the team languishing in 16th at the resumption.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Melbourne - it doesn't matter how hard the Dees try, they just can't seem to nail down the consistency required to stay with the big boys.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: NZ Warriors - too often the Warriors' glittering array of stars are let down by the Warriors' glittering array of stars. They play great, attractive footy, but often forget the basics that are required to win games.
Cool Fact: Fortuna shares a special friendship with English club Ipswich Town, in part due to both the club's dealing with and against Barcelona during the 70s and 80s. Read more about this odd match here.
Freiburg
If Freiburg was a person, it would have a letter from the queen, for being more than a century old. Luckily her Majesty doesn’t hand them out for winning titles, an honour that has eluded the Breisgau-Brasilianer. Freiburg tries to delight the fans with exciting football and whenever there’s a hint it might be getting within a ball bag of the title contending positions, it becomes everyone’s second team. That’s happening this season, with Europe competition beckoning.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: St Kilda – Except the Saints have one title to their name at least.
If they were an NRL team they’d be: Cronulla – The Sharks finally turned the porch light off in 2016. Up until then it had been more than 50 years without a trophy for the cabinet.
Aussie to watch: Emerging Socceroos star Brandon Borrello has seen plenty of game time for Freiburg this season. Keep an eye out for him.
Hertha BSC
The capital club is the more successful of the two Berlins currently calling the Bundesliga home. With some established stars, like former Chelsea midfielder Michael Essien, and exciting talents like Dodi Lukebakio, Hertha should be better for its exorbitant spending this season, but for some baffling head office decision-making.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Adelaide – The Crows have flattered to deceive in recent seasons, possessing a squad that does one thing on paper, but another entirely out on the pitch.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: North Queensland - Stacked with talented players and a smattering of established vets, the Cowboys have struggled to live up to expectations since winning the title in 2015. Still, at least they're not the Titans.
Aussie to watch: Veteran Socceroos attacker Mathew Leckie has been playing in Germany for a long time and is an established member of the Hertha unit, having weathered some administrative upheaval at the club. He'll be raring to go after the break in play.
Hoffenheim
Want to know how passionate German fans are about their football? Just Google Hoffenheim owner Dietmar Hopp. Fans hate this guy, whose 96 percent ownership of the club is viewed as an affront to the 50+1 rule.
What is the 50+1 rule? Investors are not permitted to have more than a 49% percent share in German clubs, meaning all clubs are majority fan owned...all except three.
Hopp applied for an exception to the rule, was granted it, and proceeded to start pumping money into his side. Now he’s a figure of hate, particularly for Dortmund fans.
If it was an AFL club they’d be: Hawthorn – Ok, Hawks supremo Jeff Kennet doesn’t cop it like Hopp, but he is a controversial figurehead with power and resources at his disposal. Under his watch the Hawks have achieved the type of success Hopp dreams of.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: South Sydney – A polarising owner in Russell Crowe, who’s effectively rescued the club, pumping resources into taking Souths from easy-beats to regular contenders.
Koln
Koln has the goat. Literally. A live goat named Hennes appears at every home game. Like Mainz, Koln has a reputation as a party club. The team plays a flamboyant, partying-type style. Unfortunately someone forgot to invite the bouncers and Koln's defence has been a shambles this season, letting in goals like they're unwanted revellers who saw the party advertised on Facebook.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: - North Melbourne. Actually it wouldn't. Apart from the dodgy defence, there aren't too many similarities. If you are a North fan, it's worth adopting Koln merely for the goat and the chance that something outrageous will happen while they're playing.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: ... a desired destination for NRL players, not least because these guys like to party.
Mainz
What Mainz lacks in success on the pitch, it more than makes up for with a raucous following off it. The fans bring a carnival atmosphere, which has become part of the club's lore - Mainz releases a 'karnival' jersey each season. Oh, Mainz also counts Jurgen Klopp and Thomnas Tuchel as former managers.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Carlton - Like Mainz, the Blues have had a roll call of great coaches, all of whom, barring David Parkin in the 90s, have struggled to achieve recent success at the helm.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Canberra Raiders - The raiders have produced a production line of great coaches, from Mal Meninga and Craig Bellamy, through Ricky Stuart and Laurie Daley. Just like Mainz.
Cool fact: Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp's famous 'gegen-press' style was forged under the guidance of his coaching mentor at Mainz, Wolfgang Frank.
Paderborn
A product of two merged clubs, Paderborn's greatest recent success was cracking the top grade this season. With depth a luxury only afforded by the league’s elite, Paderborn is one of those sides just a major injury away from a slide down the table. Unfortunately, sprightly young striker Streli Mamba was the player to get that injury this season, leaving the team anchored to last place.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Gold Coast Suns – While not a merged identity, the Suns seem to have a mortgage on the AFL wine-storage positions.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Wests Tigers - both born of separate teams, both have had wildly inconsistent journeys and both try to play an enterprising, positive style, often to be brought undone by injuries to key players.
RB Leipzig
Beloved in Leipzig, detested everywhere else. Meet RB Leipzig, a formerly tiny non-division outfit which has completed a stunning rise to the Bundesliga on the back of a hefty investment from energy drink giant Red Bull. If you like Liverpool's intense pressing and fast counter-attacking play, you'll love RB Leipzig, former home of Reds star Naby Keita.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: GWS - relatively new, widely disliked, full of young attack-minded stars, with a title seemingly inevitable.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Northern Eagles - remember them? The merger between fierce rivals Manly and North Sydney was a disaster, not least because fans from both clubs hated the entity.
Interesting fact: The 'RB' in the club's name stands for Rasen Ballsport, or 'lawnball sports'. Corporations are generally banned from having their name in the title of Bundesliga clubs. It's a convenient coincidence that 'RB' is the initial for 'Red Bull'.
Schalke 04
Widely-admired working class club, with the second-highest membership in Germany, Schalke is renowned for being a tough, gritty side. Unfortunately, that leaves it over-reliant on moments of individual brilliance to win matches. With the likes of Amine Harit burdened with the task of producing something.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Western Bulldogs – Dogs by name, dogged by nature. Born out of the furnace of merger survival, the Dogs play with a rugged intensity Schalke fans would relate to.
If it was an NRL team it's be: Canterbury Bulldogs - They share the same colours and the same reputation for grit over glamour.
Union Berlin
On paper less successful than rival Hertha BSC, but in possession of a far more passionate supporter base buoyed by the club's breakthrough appearance in the Bundesliga this season. Union's name reveals its trade roots and the team reflects this, grafting its way to an admirable mid-table position this season, despite not having any big stars.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Port Adelaide - A relatively recent entrant into the competition, Port enjoys more parochial support than rival Adelaide, albeit with less silverware to its name.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Newtown Jets - if the Jets were to ever be miraculously let back into the competition. Strong following, rich history and blue collar roots in a gentrified neighbourhood.
Werder Bremen
Based in the North, Werder Bremen is one of just six current Bundesliga clubs to have won the title. Most of its success came in the nineties, and with big resources and a talented squad, it is the envy of many smaller clubs in the league.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Essendon - Big club, stacked with talent, successful in the nineties, but struggling to click in recent seasons.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Brisbane Broncos - based in the North, successful in the nineties, loads of talent failing to quite-live up to the hype.
Wolfsburg
One of three clubs with majority corporate ownership - along with Bayer Leverkusen and Hoffenheim - four, if you count RB Leipzig, Volkswagon-affiliated Wolfsburg is something of a fallen giant, more known for the players that used to be at the club, then the current crop. That said they're giving it a go this season, hovering in the European qualification spots.
If it was an AFL team it'd be: Brisbane Lions - Like Wolfsburg, the Lions had success in the early 2000s, with a roll call of modern greats who formerly played for the club. The Lions are looking decent this season too.
If it was an NRL team it'd be: Sydney Roosters - While the Roosters have had far more success than the German club, this season might be defined by the players no longer at the club, like champion halfback Cooper Cronk. The Roosters also have a link to motoring, with chairman Nick Politis formerly in charge of the largest Ford dealerships in the country.
Alumni: Wolfsburg's list of former gun players includes: Kevin de Bruyne, Edin Dzeko, Luiz Gustavo, Ivan Perisic, Andre Schurrle and Maximilian Arnold.
