By Tim Stannard

1) Messi continues path to dark side and a Death Star

With the world needing a bit of meaningless distraction after some fairly dramatic overnight business, Leo Messi’s leg tattoo is being clung onto in some places as a shiny beacon of mirth.  

The new ink which was on display in Argentina’s training session on Tuesday is another step down a winding path to the dark side for the Barca man, that began many years ago with getting a can of soda in the middle of a Pep Guardiola team talk, continued with telling Argentina to do one, the blond look, getting feisty with some Valencia fans, trying to storm the Manchester City dressing room and will end with the footballer referring to himself in the third person and building a Death Star.

The tattoo is largely an egotistical tribute to himself and will look completely amazing when the Argentinean is a wrinkly 50-year-old. And not weird at all. Remember to catch Messi’s permanent sock-leg trundling around the pitch in quite the dust-up against Brazil on Thursday in a hugely crucial CONMEBOL qualifying clash – live on beIN SPORTS from 6:45ET PM / 3:45ET PM. Catch a full preview on the XTRA at 7PM ET / 4PM PT.

Meanwhile, the Powers That Be in Spain have taken a stand against more bad boy behavior from the footballer by turning down Barcelona’s appeal against a yellow card in the Sevilla win issued for time-wasting. Darth Messi won’t like that.

2) Secrets of Ronaldo and James Real Madrid success revealed

Spanish sports daily, ‘Marca’ unveiled the real reason for Cristiano Ronaldo’s contract being renewed until 2134 and why James will never leave the Santiago Bernabeu anytime soon – loot. CR7 jerseys are the club’s biggest sellers globally accounting for 40% of purchases, followed by James in second place. For a club whose president, Florentino Perez, once boasted about Kaka’s social media profile as a sign of the Brazilian’s success at the club, the scenario comes as no real surprise.

Another study by marketing experts, Hookit, detailed on Wednesday valued the footballer’s brand at approximately 175million dollars by tying up Ronaldo’s various marketing deals – including those lovely, soft blankets – and enormous social media footprint.

3) Pires backs Benzema in international exile

Former France international, Robert Pires, has come out in support of Karim Benzema over the striker’s continuing exile from the country’s national team over the Real Madrid man’s alleged involvement in a plot to blackmail international team-mate Mathieu Valbuena. "I think Benzema is being treated unfairly, but Deschamps is the boss and we must respect him," said the former Arsenal midfielder on a story that is never going to stop sounding bizarre.

4) Callejon and Higuain change Facebook status

Jose Callejon and Gonzalo Higuain might not be BFF any more. Both footballers spent time together at both Real Madrid and Napoli, but it is the Argentinean’s departure from the Serie A side to Juventus that appears to have strained the relationship. Speaking at Spain’s training camp ahead of a clash against Macedonia, Callejon said that “Neapolitans want honest and noble players to wear the blue shirt."

5) Beer-free World Cup warning in Qatar

The winter World Cup of 2022 is set to be a whole bag of fun for those liking a cool one with their football.

Organizers are looking to uphold strict anti-alcohol laws in the county by banning booze from stadiums and pretty much everywhere else. “There will be no alcohol consumption on the streets, squares and public places and that is final,” said Hassan Al Thawadi, the secretary-general of the Supreme Committee for Delivery and Legacy. Alcohol will only be allowed in “far-away places.” Which sounds suspiciously like the desert.

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The life philosophy of Sports Burst is that if you are not upsetting someone, then you are not trying hard enough. SB is a daily trawl and troll through the morning's sports news to bring you fact-nuggets to make you both smile and swear. Hopefully at the same time.