Neymar criticised PSG's younger players following a Coupe de France final loss to Rennes last month and the world's most expensive player continues to be linked with a move back to Spain.
Kylian Mbappe's comments about wanting "more responsibilities" also cast doubt over Neymar's long-term future in Paris, yet Alves is ready to wager the city's most recognisable landmark that his fellow Brazilian will be staying put.
Asked whether he would be willing to bet a dinner that Neymar would stay, Alves told ESPN: "A dinner is not enough. Should I bet the Eiffel Tower?
"I believe that he will stay with PSG.
"If Madrid calls me, I'd say no. And if it calls me to ask about Neymar, I'd say no as well."
Alves, himself a former Barcelona star, thinks a return to Camp Nou is also unlikely for Neymar.
"I think it's very difficult," he added. "People inside Barca, I think, won't be willing to acknowledge that they need him.
"And that's a problem, you can't go anywhere guided by your ego. You can't let your ego dictate your life.
"Barca has that problem and they won't recognise that they need him and that already drives him away from Barca.
"Which side doesn't need Ney? Everyone needs Ney."
PSG retained the Ligue 1 title this season but failed to win either the Coupe de France or Coupe de la Ligue, while they exited the Champions League at the last-16 stage.
Alves believes it is only natural that such disappointment has left Neymar displeased.
"He is not happy since he didn't get the results he wanted and that brings him unhappiness," he added.
"I would beat the c**p out of him if he feels happy without winning."