By Tim Stannard

1) Ronaldo to be Florentino’s right-hand man

Coach Zizou's very rapid rise to become Real Madrid coach has had a very Forest Gump vibe about it.

Basically, the Frenchman hung around long enough for everyone else to be fired and was selected as the most glamorous / convenient coach by club president, Florentino Perez. Zidane started at Madrid with a vague "dressing room liaison" role, moved to "advisor" to “sitting next to Jose Mourinho on the bench”, to Castilla coach to Real Madrid manager after the sacking of Rafa Benitez. 

Now 'Marca' are announcing on Wednesday that the original Ronaldo will be joining Madrid in the early days of September with a vague role of "advisor", putting the former Bernabeu striker just two sackings away from the hot seat. 

2) Pique boasts that Barca are “the best by far”

On the other side of the Clasico divide, Gerard Pique has got the season off in style by trolling that “Barcelona are the best team in this country by far,” after heeding a plea from the internet to boost traffic a little on a Wednesday.

His Barcelona club might have a little more transfer business to be done this week with the announcement of the signing of Ajax keeper, Jasper Cillessen, who is set to play his last match for the Dutch club in the Champions League on Wednesday night. Valencia striker, Paco Alcacer, might also be on the way…or staying put…depending on what sources you read.

3) Roma lick wounds as Ajax face Champions League challenge  

Two big sides, Roma and Villarreal, saw fine campaigns last year go up in flames in just one match with both clubs out of the Champions League even before the group stages. A nine-man Roma imploded against Porto at home on Tuesday in a play-off clash to see club president, James Pallotta, calling the referee “disgusting.” A rocky Villarreal lost out to Monaco.

10 more sides have set themselves up for crushing disappointment on Wednesday. Viewers in Canada can choose between an intriguing encounter between Rostov and Ajax, with the scores at 1-1 or APOEL taking on Copenhagen. Both clashes are live at 2.45PM ET / 11.45AM PT. Remember to tune into the XTRA at 7PM for the best highlights and analysis of all the action.

Viewers in the US of A can catch Morecambe versus Bournemouth in the second round of the EFL cup. Coverage begins from 2.30PM ET / 11.30AM PT.

4) Griezmann claims UEFA best player prize

As well as creating fun competitions like the Champions League and Europa League to give football-loving folk something to do during the week, UEFA also have a prize for the best player in Europe to give even more opportunity for fans of Barcelona and Real Madrid to squabble with each other. But in 2016, the organization have thrown Atletico Madrid supporters into the mix.

The three players chosen for the shortlist – the winner to be announced on Thursday – were Gareth Bale, Cristiano Ronaldo and Antoine Griezmann. The less than shy-and-retiring Rojiblanco is claiming that he should be handed the honor. "I don't want to sound arrogant, but I deserve this award because I've had a great season with both club and the national team,” coughed the French forward modestly.  The chat is set to be hot on the Locker Room at 7.30PM ET as the panelists chose their own winners.

5) Schweinsteiger vows to fight on as Pep v Hart have training ground squabble  

Sebastian Schweinsteiger was up early on Wednesday to reassure very concerned Manchester United supporters that he will be staying at Old Trafford, despite the best efforts of Jose Mourinho who reportedly cleared the player’s training ground locker over the summer. "I will be ready, if the team needs me. This is all I can say about my current situation,” tweeted the unwanted midfielder.

Although it is mere speculation at the moment, and Joe Hart was merely popping off for an urgent dentist appointment, the internet is claiming that the Man City goalkeeper walked out of training on Wednesday after a tiff with Pep Guardiola. The fact that Claudio Bravo is in town to bump the England keeper down to number three on the list may be behind any discontent.

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The life philosophy of Sports Burst is that if you are not upsetting someone, then you are not trying hard enough. SB is a daily trawl and troll through the morning's sports news to bring you fact-nuggets to make you both smile and swear. Hopefully at the same time.