By Tim Stannard

1) Ronaldo faces 12-match ban after referee rumble  

Well, season nine of Team Messi versus Team Ronaldo got off to quite the opening episode. It was the football equivalent of an army being torched by the mother of dragons mixed in with a zombie horde chasing after Kellyanne Conway. Spain’s show-runners are to be congratulated. 

For those still in the dark, spoiler alert. 

Cristiano Ronaldo entered the action in the Spanish Super Cup final against Barcelona in the Camp Nou in the 58^th minute on Sunday. Easily the best player on the world scored the greatest goal ever seen in the world, celebrated spontaneously by taking his shirt off, showing off the greatest body in the world.

But the evil-doing ref handed out a yellow card. Cristiano then won a penalty but not only was the spot-kick denied but the referee booked CR7 for diving, which resulted in a sending off. Insult to injury. 

Under this most incredible provocation from the fake news, failing match official, Ronaldo gave him the lightest of taps of camaraderie which has just seen him handed a five-match ban for both the red card and the push.

Or…..Ronaldo scored an admittedly nice goal to put Real Madrid into a 2-1 lead, took off his shirt to both mock Leo Messi, bait the Camp Nou crowd and also give in to his base narcissistic urges to put himself ahead of his team by flexing his pecs and abs for the world’s media. Ronaldo then dived to try and win a penalty and launched a brutal assault on the referee in an act of petulance. 

Those are the two narratives dominating the Team Messi v Team Ronaldo scene and a topic sure to dominate the return of the Locker Room at 7:30PM ET / 4:30PM PT. 

2) Barca sign up Paulinho after career snooze 

Despite Ronaldo’s meltdown, the mood in the Barcelona camp was none too chirpy after the 3-1 defeat that had the local papers calling for new signings straight away. And one has been delivered – a midfield anchor in the form Paulinho who is set to sign on for four years costing $47m. 

The Brazilian’s recent career has largely been spent in football backwaters where soccer success was very much an after-thought to just getting by for the money. But enough about Paulinho’s spell at Tottenham. The footballer arrives hot-foot from Chinese Super League club Guangzhou Evergrande and is set to be presented on Thursday. Hats in the air stuff for Barcelona fans.

In Philippe Coutinho news, the want-away Liverpool man has been left out of the team’s squad to play Hoffenheim in a Champions League qualifier.  

Tune into the XTRA at 7PM ET / 4PM on whether Paulinho is the player that Barcelona need for the upcoming campaign. 

3) Diego Costa’s criminal complaints

Continuing on a rebellious Brazilian theme and Diego Costa has been on the warpath at his treatment by Chelsea. Yes, technically speaking the footballer is Spanish but he was Brazilian for about 25-years of his life. In exile at the EPL team, told via text that he was not wanted Antonio Conte, the striker now finds himself kicking his heels with the transfer window closing in two-week’s time.

Costa is currently refusing to train with the reserves – or leave Brazil apparently - and is being hit with fines. “I’m not a criminal. I don’t think it is fair after all I have done to be treated like that. I am not in the wrong here,” said the forward whose team lost their opening match against Burnley this weekend. At home.  

All the footballer wants, apparently, is a move to Atletico Madrid. Who cannot play him until January were he to move due to a transfer ban. Life is tough, sometimes.

4) Chelsea and Spurs to make Monday moves?

In other transfer news, Fiorentina are set to sign Genoa striker – and also Diego Simeone’s son – Giovanni Simeone. That should then kick off the move of Fiorentina striker, Nikola Kalinic, to Milan. 

Chelsea are now being linked with Southampton’s sulking centerback, Virgil van Dijk. Funny that. And Tottenham might actually sign a footballer in the form of  Lazio man Keita Balde, who was left out of his team’s 3-2 Italian Super Cup win against Juventus on Sunday. 

Remember to head to beIN SPORTS Facebook page at 12:30PM / 9:30AM for the daily Transfer Tracker show. 

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The life philosophy of Sports Burst is that if you are not upsetting someone, then you are not trying hard enough. SB is a daily trawl and troll through the morning's sports news to bring you fact-nuggets to make you both smile and swear. Hopefully at the same time.