Sports Burst: Baby Puts Hex in Jeopardy

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1) Could Guzan’s unborn child cost USA WC Qualification?

With a trip to the local maternity ward looming for Brad Guzan and his wife, Bruce Arena will have to make do without the services of the slick-headed Middlesbrough net minder.


Enter stage left MLS' David Bingham, the San Jose Earthquakes glove-wearer who contrived to add two horrendous goalie gaffes to his career blooper reel on Saturday as the Californians fell 2-1 to Sporting Kansas City: first with a flappy-armed failed attempt to keep a lonnnng-distance Benny Feilhaber strike out, and then, his pièce de résistance, a face-palm-inducing mistake that saw him divert a tame, off-target shot between his own legs and into the back of his net.


While Tim ‘Steady Eddie’ Howard is projected to start between the pipes against Honduras and Panama, the prospect of the Adam Sandberg lookalike coming off the bench to take the reins is a terrifying one for US fans already scared stiff at the lack of wiggle room left in the Hex.


2) Revenge of the old timers

Manchester United demigod Sir Alex Ferguson and Cockney wheeler and dealer Harry Redknapp have decided to throw their hats back in the managerial ring.

Ok, truth be told the cantankerous Scot and unwitting Artful Dodger impersonator are only stepping out of retirement for a one-off game: the upcoming Michael Carrick testimonial between the Red Devils and West Ham United on June 4.

But perhaps this is just the start of things to come.

Fresh off the back of Claudio Ranieri’s ignominious sacking at Leicester City and the proliferation of Arsenal fans willing to deface perfectly good bed sheets with the words ‘Wenger Out’ (a collocation heard with increasing frequency around North London), the elderly statesmen of the British football might just be mounting a fight back of their own against the wave of ageism in the English top flight.



Arsene Wenger (67) is by far and away the oldest manager left plying his trade in a Premier League where the recent trend has seen whippersnappers like Eddie Howe (39) and Marco Silva (39) being favored for managerial vacancies.


3) Evergreen Rog victim of foul-mouthed diatribe 

The all-Swiss BNP Paribas Open final between Roger Federer and Stan Wawrinka predictably ended with the Mr. Nice Guy global sports scooping his 90th career title.

The fairly routine straight sets victory (6-4, 7-5) earned the 35-year-old his fifth trophy at the ATP Masters 1000 tournament.


Of the 23 meetings between the landlocked compatriots, Federer has come out on top 20 times, a stat that prompted a frustrated Wawrinka to call yesterday’s winner an “a******.”

Perhaps bad boy Nick Kyrgios’ influence is rubbing off on the usually mild-tempered Wawrinka?

Sticking with the theme of compatriots duking it out for glory, the women’s final produced an all-Russian showdown for the ages, as Elena Vesnina mustered up an exhausting fightback to snatch a dramatic victory from the clutches of Svetlana Kuznetsova 6-7 (6-8) 7-5 6-4.

So shot were the world No. 15's nerves after her grueling victory under the Californian sun that some early symptoms of PTSD were visible as she collected her silverware...


4) Buffon’s long stand

Age-defying Gianluigi Buffon capped off a week that included two shutouts with a brand new Juventus record to add to his glowing Serie A resume.

Following Sunday’s 1-0 win over Sampdoria, the 39-year-old veteran surpassed Giampiero Boniperti’s record of 39,680 minutes of top tier Calcio playing time, clocking out of the Stadio Luigi Ferraris with 39,705 minutes under his belt. 


To put this achievement into context, that amounts to roughly 27.55 days of manning the Old Lady’s sticks, which is enough time to watch every episode of The Simpsons twice (25 days, 14 hours) and, erm, the first two seasons of 24.



The life philosophy of Sports Burst is that if you are not upsetting someone, then you are not trying hard enough. SB is a daily trawl and troll through the morning's sports news to bring you fact-nuggets to make you both smile and swear. Hopefully at the same time.